Hey Coffee Lovers, We’re Mentally Ill!

Just in case there’s not enough to regulate out there, I just stumbled across another “social issue.” It’s a shocker, too.

If you drink too much caffeine a day, you may have a mental disorder. At least that’s according to the American Psychiatric Association’s, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which defines the following mental disorders:

• Caffeine intoxication;
• Caffeine-induced anxiety disorder;
• Caffeine-induced sleep disorder; and
• Caffeine-related disorder not otherwise specified.
• Caffeine withdrawal symptom (to be added to DSM).

Caffeine is usually associated with coffee, so many people think that they are cutting caffeine out of their diets if they quit enjoying their daily java. The stimulant, however, is available in many other substances, such as tea, cola, chocolate or prescription drugs. You can even find caffeine in cold medicines. Many members of the LDS church that I know do not drink coffee, but they eat an awful lot of chocolate and drink diet Coke. They’re getting their fair dose of caffeine, too, even though coffee is taboo in their faith.

The average American consumes close to 27 gallons of caffeine per year (I probably consume 50 gallons). Caffeine is an organic pesticide that will kill bugs and has some health risks for humans.

If caffeine addition is indicative of a mental illness, at least we’re in good company. I’ve seen estimates that 80%-90% of Americans are addicted to caffeine. Even if it was just 70%, that’s a pretty big chunk of society. Can you imagine if the government tried to regulate our “caffeine mental illness” just like cigarettes, booze, or drugs? They could add a special tax for our illness, just like a cigarette tax, and solve the national debt crisis.

I’ve given up coffee before, and it was a miserable experience. I felt like I was in a cloud of confusion, had a rip roaring headache and could barely keep my eyes open. This lasted for about two days. Once I got over my couple of days of stumbling around and feeling less than human, I was able to quit for almost a year. I enjoyed smelling the aroma of coffee at other people’s houses, but was able to avoid the temptation. Unfortunately, with a work deadline that kept me up for almost two days straight, I ended up drinking coffee again and haven’t given it up since.

After my experience with caffeine withdrawal, I can see why heavy caffeine consumption can be considered a health risk. I can also agree that it’s a form of addiction. But mental illness? That seems a bit much. What do you think?

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